Doesn't It Help?
by CriminalOutsider'sGirl14
Summary: All it took was one final straw that triggered Reid's downfall. Because of an accident, he falls back into his old drug habit and old nightmares plague the youngest agent. Can he recover with the help of the people he cares about most? (Rated T for drug abuse.)
1. Chapter 1

**Doesn't it Help?**

 **Summary:** _All it took was one final straw that triggered Reid's downfall. Because of an accident, he falls back into his old drug habit and old nightmares plague the youngest agent. Can he recover with the help of the people he cares about most?_

 **Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own Criminal Minds. (I wish I owned Reid.)  
**

 _Spencer had been tracking Erick Sinclair for two hours before he saw the man in his truck pulling into what Reid assumed to be his house- a rundown trailed in a rundown, trashy neighborhood. He parked a half a block away from the residence itself, cautiously inching towards where Sinclair remained in his house._

 _"I have the UnSub in sight," Reid cackled over the radio, rattling off the address, not bothering to wait for back up. This UnSub was dangerous and Reid wasn't going to let him get away. He could do this on his own._

 _He saw Sinclair inside of his house through a window when he shouted, "FBI! Open the door!"_

 _There was no time to react to the bullet approaching. Just a blinding sensation in his chest and then overwhelming nothingness._

 _He woke up to JJ's scream. Everything was blurry, but he could feel himself shaking. Why was JJ screaming? And then suddenly he remember why._

 _The pulsing in his chest reminded him why._

 _He couldn't control the tremors that shook through his body. An almost inaudible moan escaped his lips. The adrenaline began to wear off, leaving him feeling every ounce of pain._

 _"Reid? Stay with me," JJ sounded desperate. "Stay awake, Spence."_

 _"Don't let me go into shock," Reid whispered. He could taste blood._

 _"What?"_

 _It was so freaking cold with the rain soaking Reid. That's why_ _he was so cold,_ _he told himself._ _He tried to focus on JJ's voice, but the darkness pulled him_ _under._

—

"Never in my life have I ever seen someone do something so f—king idiotic. What in the world were you thinking?" Morgan all but yelled, pacing the hospital room.

"I'm sorry," Spencer mumbled.

"It's like you wanted to die!"

"Morgan!" Garcia cried, shocked, but remembered a conversation she had previously had partaken in with Reid.

—

 _"I hate looking at these photos," Garcia had mumbled as her and Reid filed through a case involving a child molester who turned to violent, ritualistic stabbing._

 _"At least you can forget it," Spencer said._

 _"What?"_

 _"I said at least you can forget it.I remember every single case. Every detail. Every body we've ever found or looked at pictures of. They all appear in my dreams, along with Maeve," he confessed._

 _Garcia put down her paperwork and looked at Reid, really looked at him. His hair was slightly disheveled, his clothes were too loose for his frail body, and his eyes had deep bags etched underneath them. She didn't know what to say; she couldn't say anything that would make this better._

—

"That's not how it happened," Spencer defended. He could hear the shot ringing in his ear, and he started breathing quicker.

"Spence, it's okay. It's all over," JJ soothed, seeing the scared, faraway look in Spencer's eye. Suddenly, the heart monitor began to wail viciously, and Reid's eyes rolled into to the back of his head.

"Doctor!" JJ shouted, recoiling from where Spencer laid. Doctors and nurses alike rushed in. "No, no, no, no, no. No!"

"All clear!" One yelled, shocking Reid with the defibrillator. And again. Nothing.

 _'Oh my God_ ,' JJ thought.

The third time there was a strangled gasp and the monitor began to beep again. Slowly, and it was no longer in a rhythmic patter, but his heart beat.

 **A/n: More? (This is just a prologue, next chapter will make a large time jump.)**

 **Aufenthalt** **Gold lovelies,**

 **\- Alee XxX**


	2. Chapter 2

**Doesn't it Help?**

 **Summary:** _All it took was one final straw that triggered Reid's downfall. Because of an accident, he falls back into his old drug habit and old nightmares plague the youngest agent. Can he recover with the help of the people he cares about most? (Rated T for drug abuse.)_

 **Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own Criminal Minds. (I wish I owned Reid.)**

"How's your pain, Mr. Reid?" The doctor smiled.

Reid blearily stared at her, slurring, "I don' feel a thing."

"Hmm... We might need to lower the dosage of pain medication we've given you."

Somewhere in the back of Spencer's mind, the words "pain medication" rang some kind of alarm bell, but Spencer couldn't identify it. He couldn't even keep his eyes open any longer to say anything.

 **—**

"What are you afraid of?" Morgan pressed JJ. It had all started from a game truth or dare, which was a bad decision to play in the first place, especially with Morgan.

"I am _terrified_ spiders," JJ squirmed.

"Aww, such a basic fear. What about you, Kid?"

"What?" Spencer's head snapped up.

"I said, what are you afraid of? Common."

The question brought him back to weeks ago. Dying wasn't his fear, it wasn't spiders, it was becoming like his mother.

Flashback:

 _Reid was happily reading a book on the atomic theory on a rare day off when the phone rang. The shrill ring of it made him jump and a wary feeling settled in the pit of his stomach. Normally it was the BAU calling, but this time it was the hospital calling him._

 _"Is this Spencer Reid?"_

 _Reid swallowed thickly. "Yes?"_

 _"I'm calling about your mother, Diane. I'm so sorry. She had another episode last night and committed suicide."_

 _The lady continued talking about "arrangements", but Reid wasn't listening. It took all of his energy to remain standing. He couldn't believe she was gone. Just like that. She couldn't be. His mother._

 _Everyone from the team came to the funeral._ _When Hotch first found out about Diana, he offered Spencer some time off, but as soon as another case came in, Reid was on the plane. He couldn't stand to be in that house alone._

 _End flashback_

"Uh, I'd have to say inadequacy," Reid blurted the first thing he thought of, turning red. "I-I have to..." Spencer jumped up, unable to take the suffocating room any longer.

"Look what you did!" Reid heard JJ hiss, but he had stopped listening by then. He had to get out. He locked himself in the bathroom stall, hiding what he was about to do.

He swallowed the pills dry with a shaky, desperate need. Spencer then washed his hands as it could somehow cleanse him of his sins.

 _"You need to confess your sins and repent!"_

 _"I-I don't have any."_

His own voice mocked him of the lie he told. He was weak, giving in to the drugs he spent years combating. Was being weak a sin?

His bloodshot reflection in the mirror answered in silent, bitter disappointment.

 **ThatBigBlueBox: Lol they do! Thank you so much.**

 **Kateryne1: Hey! Thank you so much for your kind words. I also favor unhappy endings so be prepared lol. I'm glad that you enjoyed it, especially the Garcia part. :)**

 **Aufenthalt** **Gold lovelies,**

 **\- Alee XxX**


	3. Chapter 3

**Doesn't it Help?**

 **Summary:** _All it took was one final straw that triggered Reid's downfall. Because of an accident, he falls back into his old drug habit and old nightmares plague the youngest agent. Can he recover with the help of the people he cares about most? (Rated T for drug abuse.)_

 **Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own Criminal Minds. (I wish I owned Reid.)**

"You're late," Morgan announced as Spencer hurried in just in time for the briefing, looking tired and frazzled. JJ handed him a cup of coffee with a smile, giving Morgan a "back off" look.

"I'm sorry. I slept through my alarm," Reid offered as way of explanation.

"You didn't miss anything too important," JJ whispered so only Spencer could hear her.

"Don't let it happen again," Hotch said in an authoritative voice.

"Yessir," Reid replied respectively, providing his attention back to Garcia as she filled them in in the details of the latest string of crimes.

 _"Doesn't it help?"_ The voice in his head taunted.

You have no idea.

Reid knew then that he was going crazy. It wasn't _normal_ to hear voices. The thought of his mother's illness sent a tightness in his chest so tight he could barely breath and sent his hands shaking. He yearned for another dose to block the pain that consumed him.

"Wheels up in thirty," Hotch announced. Reid used the diversion to sneak off to the bathroom, needing something to be able to function. It took him three minutes to grab what he needed, four to get on the jet, he was always seven minutes early, and a minute had already passed, which mean he had exactly fourteen minutes and thirty-three seconds to collect himself before getting into the jet.

He sat down in the privacy of the bathroom stall on the toilet (lid down) and tried to steady his breathing. Reid worried he might have been experiencing a panic attack, and he knew he couldn't calm himself down in time to face the team. Most panic attacks lasted between twenty to thirty minutes.

He splashed his face with cold water, warding off the oncoming panic, but when he looked in the mirror he noticed how pale he was. But he had been in there a while and so to insure no one worried he exited with a fake smile pasted to his face. But with every lie he told, every ounce of happiness he faked he felt like a piece of him died, it hurt so bad to keep continuing when he just wanted to curl up and let the world just pass him by while he faded away to nothing.

 **—**

The jet touched down late at night (or early in the morning, depending on how you look at it) and the team immediately drove to the local police station. Reid appeared to be deep in thought during the ride, but then again, so was everyone else. Every statistic and number Reid had ever heard about the case.

It was an abduction of blonde females, kept for three days and then killed. Five women had been taken it three weeks. Within the last week, three of those women had been taken.

He was picking up steam; fast.

"Was their sexual assault?" Morgan piped up.

"Repeated rape," Hotch replied.

"It seems to be a fantasy for this Perv. Do we have a DNA match in the database?" JJ questioned.

"No hits yet, Garcia's working on fingerprints."

"Reid, any statistics?" Morgan asked.

"No, I'm trying something new."

"Like what?"

"Being quiet."

Morgan laughed, but Reid didn't even smile. He just stared out the window and let the team do the talking. His mind was too fuzzy to concentrate on what they were saying.

 **A/n: Should there be JJ/Spencer in this story? (In this though, Henry won't have been born and JJ sneer married Will. (But there may be kids still, way later on possibly. ;D))**

 **ThatBigBlueBox: I am so sorry for the confusion. Yes, the hospital scene was a flashback (we are now at present time.) Thanks so much.**

 **Kateryne1: Yes, poor Reid! (You shall be prepared.) I sent you the PM explaining what I meant, hopefully it helped. xD If you have any more questions, don't hesitate to ask.**

 **Aufenthalt** **Gold lovelies,**

 **\- Alee XxX**


	4. Chapter 4

**Doesn't it Help?**

 **Summary:** _All it took was one final straw that triggered Reid's downfall. Because of an accident, he falls back into his old drug habit and old nightmares plague the youngest agent. Can he recover with the help of the people he cares about most? (Rated T for drug abuse.)_

 **Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own Criminal Minds. (I wish I owned Reid.)**

 **"The boundaries which divide Life and Death are at best shadowy and vague. Who shall say where the one ends, and where the other one begins?** **"** \- _Edgar Allen Poe_ **  
**

Reid didn't sleep. He couldn't even close his eyes.

He had always hated the dark. In his own apartment, he had a lamp he could turn on. But the hotel lamp was so bright. At least, that's why he told himself he couldn't sleep.

Reid's bedside clock read 4:18. He figured it was an acceptable hour to take a shower. He dried himself off, popped the pain medicine dry and headed to the hotel's main entrance. There was a vending machine full of cheap snacks, but the mere thought of wasting sent his stomach rolling.

"You know, you should really eat at least something."

"JJ," Reid gasped in surprise, jumping.

"Why don't we go grab some breakfast before we meet up with the team?" She suggested.

"Alright," Reid agreed, surprising himself. His hand shook at his side as he tapped the side of his leg anxiously.

"How have you been?" The silence during the walk to the local McDonald's was killing JJ. So much she wanted to say, so little time, and too little opportunity.

"It's been rough," he said, and by the tone of his voice JJ knew that it was all that she was going to get out of him.

"But I'll be okay, JJ."

She wanted to believe him so bad. But the signs wailing in front of her were too obvious to ignore completely. She did what she could. She forced a smile and drove.

 **Next Day**

 _Reid saw his mother. She was inside of the mental institution, looking frail and sitting in a corner by herself. Her hair was grey and unkept. Her eyes were sunken in, looking tired and depressed. He tried to reach out her, but he couldn't move._

 _"Mom?" He called out, fighting against the force that held him. Her accusing eyes penetrated through him._

 _"Don't let the take me, Spencer! Don't let them take me away. I want to stay here!" She cried. But Spencer couldn't help her. He couldn't reach her. Two men came up behind her, roughly grabbing her and restraining her._

 _"I'm sorry, Mom," he whispered._

"Reid! Kid, wake up," a voice shook him. Panicked, Reid sprung up and flailed his arms around. Thinking that it was Morgan who was holding him back, Reid swung a punch towards Morgan, nailing his lip.

"Oh my God, Morgan I am so sorry... I thought..." Reid stumbled out his apology. Morgan grabbed a tissue and held it against his busted lip.

"Reid, it's fine. You didn't mean to," Morgan assured him, his words altered from the tissue. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"Good. Let's go get some breakfast. Got some bad guys to catch," Morgan grinned. Reid nodded, still shaken up over the fact that he had hurt one of his own team members.

 **A/n: I feel terrible for the long wait. I'm sorry I haven't updated this story in a while, I've been a little suck. Hope you enjoyed this chapter. :)**

 **Sharkstorm: Lol, thank you so much!**

 **Dianakotori: Thank you so much! I feel so bad for Spencer yet I love torturing him lol. (P.S. Your other review on Dark White room, thank you! I love constructive criticism!)**

 **Kas3y: Thank you so much! I'm glad.**

 **Kateryne1: Haha I'm glad you enjoyed. Thank you so much for taking the time to review.**

 **Aufenthalt** **Gold lovelies,**

 **\- Alee XxX**


	5. Chapter 5

**Doesn't it Help?**

 **Summary:** _All it took was one final straw that triggered Reid's downfall. Because of an accident, he falls back into his old drug habit and old nightmares plague the youngest agent. Can he recover with the help of the people he cares about most? (Rated T for drug abuse.)_

 **Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own Criminal Minds. (I wish I owned Reid.)**

JJ couldn't stand the silence anymore as she drove towards the restaurant. The radio only helped so much.

"Spence, I can tell that you're hurting."

"Stop. Just stop, JJ. I can't do this."

"Stop pushing me away," JJ begged.

"You'll just leave like all of the others. Can't you see? Don't get too close. You'll just get hurt. Everything I touch gets ruined."

She wondered if he was protecting her or himself. JJ wanted to cry seeing Spencer like that. She thought back, had he ever really been given a chance to mourn his mother, or even Maeve?

"Spence?" She whispered, unable to say anything else. She tried to hug him as she put the car in park, but he was stiff as a board so she let go of him sadly.

"How long until it goes away? How long until I can sleep without seeing his face?"

And for once in her life, JJ was absolutely speechless.

 **—**

Reid merely picked at his food. He just wanted to get out of there. He needed the drugs. His hand shook for it. But he couldn't get away from the team, they were hovering and it was beginning to annoy Reid.

A text appeared on JJ's phone, causing her to frown.

"They got another missing women. This times there's a witness," JJ said. "Twenty-seven year old mother Alicia Hazelett is missing and we have seventy-two hours to find her alive."

"How reliable is the witness?"

"I don't know," JJ responded. Before Spencer could she laid down the money for the food and walked out. Reid followed her silently. When they arrived Morgan was already questioning the girl. She looked to be about ten with dirty blonde hair and clean clothes, no blood on her which was a good sign.

"She's mute," Hotch told them. "Morgan's working on her with nods, but she won't say anything or even look at him."

Rossi went in the room to try and help while Reid and Hotch watched from the one-way window.

"Let's try something," Rossi suggested. "Just shake your head yes or no, okay, Amber?"

"Was the man who took your parents blond?"

Head shake. _No_.

"Did he have dark hair?" Derek asked. She looked at the ground.

"Amber, did he have dark hair?" Rossi asked softly.

No.

"Did he say anything to you?"

She nodded furiously and begun wildly making hand symbols.

"He said it'll be okay, I promise," Reid said.

"You know sign language?" Hotch asked.

"Some," Reid admitted. "Wait, look at the way Amber sits. Her body language."

Hotch looked at the girl. She kept her eyes away from Morgan and was sitting angled towards Rossi.

"Hotch, do you think our UnSub is a black male? She's not afraid of Rossi, maybe Morgan's appearance triggers something."

Hotch told Rossi the development and Rossi redirected his questioning.

"Amber, was the man black?"

She nodded.

"Was he bald?"

Again, she nodded.

"We profiled a man in his mid to late thirties. No wonder she hates Morgan. Our UnSub looks just like him," Hotch observed. "I'm going to call Garcia. This might lead us to our man."

"Office of all things genius, how make I kick butt for you today?"

"Hey, Garcia. Narrow your list down to black men in their thirties. This guy didn't hurt Amber, so cross check that with men who have had or currently have kids. He might have some sealed Juvie records or some violent crime charges. He looks like Morgan."

"Alright. I have 4 guys who fit your description. Kenneth Moore was arrested at fifteen for some drug charges, Adam Geeve got in a drunken fight with his friend when he was twenty-nine and ooh! Creep alert. Ew, details. Timothy Evans beat his dog to death when he was thirteen and he was suspected in the stabbing death of a local man named Samuel Smith, but there wasn't enough evidence. And him and Morgan could be twins. Except Morgan is much hotter with his sexy abs and-"

"That has to be him. Send me his address."

"Already on it, Sir. It's on your guys' phones as we speak."

 **A/n: Extra long chapter since I kept y'all waiting a while.**

 **Kateryne1: Haha. Cute! Glad you enjoyed. Thank you!**

 **ThatBigBlueBox: I wonder why that is. And thank you for reviewing.**

 **Dianakotori: Thank you so much!**

 **Aufenthalt** **Gold lovelies,**

 **\- Alee XxX**


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